Friday, April 16, 2010

Being Indecisive

I don't know what to think anymore
I know that I'm very bad in making choices of my own
Maybe that's why I'm always indecisive
because I'm scared of making the wrong decision
and maybe that's why I let other people decide for me
People that I trust
and people that I can rely on.
in the end
everyone will tell me to make my own decision.
They will tell me to do what I want.

When I know what I want to do
People around me will always ask me
"How are you going to achieve it?"
"Where will you go to achieve it?"
"Do you have enough money to go there?"
"Did your parents agree?"
"Why don't you tell your parents about it?"

When I did as told and tell them what they want to hear
They will always say
"Oh...that's good then"
"Good for you"
"Good luck"
"Hopefully you'll succeed"
It's nice to hear such way of thinking

It's always the word 'but' that spoils everything

"but...didn't you hear that the place you're going is bad?"
"but...I heard that the place there doesn't serve well"
"but...I heard the students there are all bad influenced"
"but...isn't it too far from where your parents are staying?"
"but...I don't think you'll get use to the environment, it's really bad"
"but...isn't it better if you stay?"
"'re a girl, don't you think it's dangerous?"

The words 'what if-' is also very annoying

"what get raped?"
"what forget about your family?"
"what don't have any money left?"
"what if...the people there treat you bad?"
"what don't succeed?"

All these negative thoughts will then make my decision look bad.
That's why I always leave it up to other people to decide for me.
Because I know that's it's good for me.
I know I sound like a kid
who only relies on her mother for support.
Maybe this is what they call
facing the big world on your own
without the help from your parents.
So this is how it feels to be scared to the real world.
It's not only scary,
it's frightening.

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